“We’re moving to San Diego!” I exclaimed enthusiastically.
“That’s great,” my buddy smiled and hugged me and Stephen. Then after a short breath he asks, “Why are you guys going there? What do you have lined up there?”
“Nothing,” I grinned and shrugged, “We’re just packing up and going.”
The look on people’s face when I reveal that we don’t have jobs lined up or a permanent place to stay is something I’m getting used to.
We’re in a bit of a rut. Not a depressing, aching or angry rut. It’s more a low-key, cranky rut. In this amazing article by Elizabeth McKenzie, she describes a rut as:
“How you are living right now is not in alignment with your true self. It’s not authentic to you. And being someone else is exhausting and unsustainable.”
This really stuck with me. It was exactly how I felt and I wanted us to get out of it.
Stephen and I had been waffling over what our next step would be for a few months. We were ready to make a physical move but when opportunities in Sacramento presented themselves, neither of us had much enthusiasm to make the jump. It wouldn’t change the feeling of the ill-fitting suit that was our every day life.
We both wanted a big change, but what would it be?
Why San Diego?
On our honeymoon, we flew down to San Diego and took a three week drive up the Pacific Coast Highway. (Beautiful and perfect. I recommend a long road trip for everyone’s honeymoon.) The temperate breeze of Southern California swept our skin and both reminded us of fond memories of the past. I had spent my summers as a child in San Diego. Stephen took a trip a handful of years ago and almost made the move himself. He even had a job all lined up but decided to stay in Sacramento in the end.
San Diego was on our top three places to move for both of us. There were other cities that called our names and some were very close to capturing us for good.
There was the beautiful cottage in Napa that we looked at, but I wanted something more cosmopolitan. There was the prospect of staying at a beach-front home in Florida, but it was a bit too far. There was a plan to take a road trip through Mexico, but then after the trip, we’d be right where we started. There was that high-profile executive job at Hearst Media in San Francisco that I turned down. My trips to SF reminded me that… I don’t like San Francisco (don’t hate me). Everything seemed like a fine choice but none gave us the soaring feeling of perfection when considered.
It was a long talk with a couple of my oldest and best friends ever, the Lascolas, that gave us that one big push.
“Don’t think. What do you want to do?”
I had been interviewing Jessica and Mike Lascola for MLGE (posting that amazing story soon). After the interview, we got to catching up and I told them that Stephen and I had money saved up for something new, but hadn’t made a decision to do it. I was scared of a big move.
They both asked me what I wanted to do.
“I want to move to San Diego.”
“Then do it,” they said, almost in unison. Mike pointed out that we didn’t have kids, we could just find jobs when we got there… we owed it to ourselves to take the risk.
“You’ll regret it if you don’t do it,” Jessica said in her quiet, matter-of-fact voice that spoke volumes.
Who was I to argue with over 20 years of relationship ups, downs and wisdom?
I left their loving house and immediately called Stephen on the long, dark road. My heart was racing and my face was tingly with anxiety.
“Hey darling,” I was close to tears now, “You know how we keep talking about our next move and the different things we want to do? Well… out of all the things we’ve talked about…”
“What?” Great. Bad connection. This was supposed to be romantic.
“Don’t think. What do you want to do?”
“I want to go to San Diego.”
“Then let’s do it. That’s exactly what I want too. Let’s be in a car with all our stuff to San Diego on October 1.”
There wasn’t silence or a pause. There was a sigh of relief and then a laugh.
“Okay baby. ”
I met Stephen back at home and we embraced and cried and laughed. It was as if that cloud of rut was already melting away.
Short Term Plans
We have a ghetto-fabulous temporary studio in Pacific Beach three blocks away from the ocean. We have a storage unit getting filled up with things to be taken south once we find the perfect place that I could fill with succulents, Dia de los Muertos art and sand. We have two cars that are being filled to the brim with essentials (like ukuleles, the perfect cooking pan and a million songs that Stephen wrote). We have phone and Skype job interviews already scheduled.
We have bets on who will be a better surfer. It’s me. I’m built like a boulder. You can’t knock me down. Try it.
We have each other and the knowledge that we can make it anywhere. We fell in love in an apartment that had it’s power shut off and furniture stolen. We talked all night on the dirty carpet with sleeping bags, candle lights and the feeling of home in each other’s arms.
“We found found love in a hopeless place.” -Queen Rhianna
Because of that, we know we can do anything with a smile.
We Want To Party With You
Say goodbye to us at La Cosecha on Thursday September 28 from 6pm-8pm. We’ll have a limited host bar and snacks. Stephen will be playing music and I will be crying all night. Everyone is invited and everyone must come.